You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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