We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
