ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
