My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We named our party play list daddy issues
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
