I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
