genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
