please come you make the beer taste better
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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