the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
