The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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