The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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