Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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