She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
