Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
