She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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