How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
