I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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