I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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