the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
