is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
