He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
