Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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