call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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