he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
