My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i drank out of a bidet.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize