I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
