hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
