Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
