when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize