P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
