I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
