3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
