What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
