Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this just has baby written all over it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
