U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
