The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
