ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
