Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
