did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
