I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
