I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
