im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
