you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize