fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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