The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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