It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize