I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
