Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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