So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
