She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
