guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
