Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
