so explain again why im purple
no
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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