his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
