Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize