In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
