I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
