you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
