Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize