I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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