He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize