Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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