best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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