"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
