True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
