Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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