What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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