They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When did angry sex become our thing?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
