Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
