I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
