Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
