hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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