we have pet lesbian snakes
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
