I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
