The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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