I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
