What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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