So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
