I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
