he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
