I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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