There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
