: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
