So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
