some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
