Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
