Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
