She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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