I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
