NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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