thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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