my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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