pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You work out of a Hotel?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
