After last night, I could never be a politician.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
