spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
