I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
